


a sad invention

by flutegirl0422



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 17:03:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15689679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flutegirl0422/pseuds/flutegirl0422
Summary: Zoe receives a phone call. She has a lot of feelings about the person on the other end of the line.





	a sad invention

**Author's Note:**

> fyi there is a playlist that goes with this fic and you can listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/1216195617/playlist/0ZzPG2RltfFcEvlEDYrukT?si=aesdsZTgT9eB_JX_igaf5g)!

“Hi. I mean. Um...hey, Zoe.”

“Hey.”

“….It’s Evan?”

“Yeah. I know.”

The phone rang five times before she answered. Her heart nearly stopped when the screen lit up with that picture. That picture of the two of them looking so in love. Or what felt like love. She hadn’t changed it in all that time. She knew if she opened his contact she might do something stupid. Like call him.

“I’m...is this a bad time?”

She half laughed. “It’s not like there would be a good time, right?”

“You’re right, I’m so sorry, I—“

“Don’t be. I answered, didn’t I?”

She didn’t even know why she answered. A few more seconds and this conversation would have been a voicemail she could just delete and never think about again. But the thing is she  _ would _ think about it. She’d think about it all the time. She already thought about him all the time.

At first it was anger. Betrayal. He was the one thing that made Connor good, and kind, and himself again. But that wasn’t real. Everything she knew about her brother was a complete lie. There was no Connor who loved her in the end. It was just Connor the monster. As she had suspected, the brother she adored and looked up to when she was little had been gone long before he died.

Or so she thought. In family therapy, she learned that her mother had kept quite a lot about Connor from her. Especially about his first attempt. There wasn’t much to hide, with Connor being laid up for two weeks in the hospital to recover. But there was a note. A note that sounded eerily familiar.

“You really didn’t have to. Answer the phone, I mean.” His voice was shaking. “ Honestly, I don’t even know why I called.” 

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about calling you myself.”

For those first few months, calling him was the last thing on her mind. Hell,  _ he _ was the last thing on her mind. It was just school, rehearsal, therapy, repeat. One day, she had a rare moment to herself and decided to pop in a DVD. Why she chose “Chasing Liberty” she had no idea. She only vaguely remembered it being a fun movie about the president’s daughter running around Europe. It wasn’t until ninety minutes later when she was throwing a pillow at the television and sobbing uncontrollably that she realized someone had just put the last few months of her love life on film. 

She eventually tired herself out and her mother found her sitting on the couch an hour later, numb and lifeless. They talked. She cried. Mostly she cried. She was still getting used to having the open and honest conversations Dr. Sherman encouraged, but for the first time it really helped. 

Still, everything about it felt wrong. She wasn’t allowed to cry over sad love stories. Was she? It’s not like they were Facebook official or anything. It was only a couple of months. They never even broke up. They just…stopped. Could she justify mourning the end of something so fleeting? 

“You wanted to call...me? Why?”

“Trust me, I asked myself that every time the thought came up.”

Eventually, she had started working with Dr. Sherman by herself. If it weren’t for those sessions she wouldn’t have been able to even think about calling him. Through their work, she realized that even though he lied, her feelings weren’t lies. There was a part of her that wanted to be with him, just him, despite Connor. And even though a part of her wanted to hate him, another part of her cared about him enough to realize why he did what he did. It wasn’t right. But it wasn’t wrong. Maybe things were more complicated than right or wrong. And maybe she could be ok with that.

“I’m glad you called, Ev.”

That was the first time she’d called him that since last year. There was something about sitting on her bed on the phone with him that reminded her how comfortable they used to be. Reflexively, she smiled.

“You are?”

“Yeah. I really am.”

What they had wasn’t a love story. She knew that now. But it was good. It was real. And she needed to mourn it. Now, though, the mourning was over. Today was a new day, a good day, and here’s why: today she had hope. Evan Hansen had given her hope and, while it wasn’t love, it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I was mostly inspired by the first song and second song on the playlist, and I really got into imagining what kind of music Zoe would listen to during a break up. Hope you enjoyed both the fic and the playlist :)


End file.
